Difference.

This made me feel like I can make an difference in the world. Even if it just with one person.

But that all it takes.

SO here my difference, I wanna share with the world.

"Hey,
I know I haven't been the best friend to you, it's funny how I always try to work on that and somehow find myself back to "I haven't been the best friend" -- I try.. It's hard giving yourself and your time to someone when other things take your time and yourself away from you.. Things you don't even agree with, things you don't like, things that if it was up to you, wouldn't even be.. Next to my mother, sister, my blood - you are the most important person to me. I know I don't show it all the time but I find comfort in knowing that you know me, and you know why, this is why I fuck with you lol. I fuck with you for a lot of reasons..
I fuck with you because whether it hurts you or the person your talking to, you speak the truth.
I fuck with you because no matter how many times I tried to find "you" in other person and neglected your time until they turned fake and left, you stayed real.. and stayed.
I fuck with you because every piece of advice you have ever given me, whether I followed it or not, was 100% correct.
I fuck with you because you encourage me instead of judging me.
I fuck with you because you held me down anytime I got into a situation like now.
I fuck with you for more reasons than my lazy ass can be bothered to write, so it stops here.
It's only 45 days, but life has thought us that one minute is more than enough time for the best and worst of any situation to happen, and theres a whole lot of minutes in 45 days, 64,800 to be exact. So I just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate you, love you, and care about you. I don't know what type of day you will be having by the time you read this, but I hope it's a good one -- better than mine, lol. And even if it's a shitty day, just remember you can choose to keep that shitty diaper on your ass and all the shit inside of it -- all day (THATS NASTY!), or you can take it off clean all the shit up (with a lil sprinke of baby powder) and finish your day CLEAN.
You can't change SHIT. You flush it down the toilet, it's just a flushed piece of shit. Wipe it on tissue, and it's a shitty piece of tissue. Bury it and it's a funeral, but it will always be SHIT. You can't change it, you can only keep it away from you and that's exactly what you need to do with every piece of shit you come in contact with -- flush it, wipe it away or bury it and don't look back -- because that shit is NOT going to change. Sometimes good people that love you and care about you will leave their shit with you instead of flushing, wiping, or burying it.. like babies, not because they want to but because they don't know any better.. When this happens you have to decide if you are ready to raise a baby ontop of everything else you have going on in your life -- or if you ready to put that mother fucker up for adoption and let someone else deal with it's SHIT!
Love"

Happy birthday 1/8/13

Yesterday..

I turned 24 years old. In the beginning I had an smile so big. But it started to become broken. Birthdays?! What's is it about?! One day of the year it made about you.

You! Your the reason today is special. Your the blessing that was brought in the world to make an difference. But what's the point?! Cause in the end. You only living to died. When you look back 50 years from now?! Would you be proud of what you become?! Would you regret the people that you have lost?!

Me?! Birthdays are an waste of time. The world doesn't stop for you. No one thinks it special. It just one day you would want to yourself. But there are people that is very selfish an self-efficient for themselves.

I managed through it. Feeling worst then ever. But there one thing I have learned. I'm 24 years old an I'm an adult. And it's time to do so. I don't regret anything or wonder "what if". Cause if you want change.

Do it yourself.

Love Despair.

I love you. I should have been said it. It’s been so hard. I always have. I never stopped. But somehow you learned how to. Or if you even did. You see, when your heart and mind doesn’t agree on one thing. It becomes a constant battle. Now I have learned, just like you have. But it doesn’t help when it just keep the wonder in your heart. My wonder is you. I wonder if a song comes on, do I come to mind.

I just want to be part of your life. More than it seems. I understand. It hurts to see how life has become because of the fear of love. It keeps you from living life. I have been afraid all my life. I even destroy relationships that meant so much. I realized its all part of growing up. So here I am, laying all my cards my cards on the table. Out of everything, you’re the one that hurt the most. I loved you with all my heart. It was so difficult. I just couldn’t be that vulnerable. You see, there was a day that you broke my heart which I never even got back together till this day. But I forgive. I chose to still love you.

I wish I had the courage to say what I always wanted to say. It’s just too late now. There is too much on the line. I love my life now. I love everything about it. I guess what I’m trying to say. Wonder? Is not so bad I mean, yeah my heart’s desire is you. I wouldn’t be able to take it if I wasn’t yours. So ill leave it the way it is. I’ll continue to watch from a distance or hear through the grapevine. Just wanted to let you know.

I love you. That’s all there is to it.