2012.. Wow what an year. As I look back I would have never thought I been where I am now. This year had more down then up. But I made it.
I think this has been my hardest year. I dealt with a lot with my words of wisdom. I lost myself in more the millions of ways. But then there hope. The big brown eyes. An when they see me. They actually see me.
Everything is perfect in those eyes. Hope is what made me get thru the year. I lost hope back in 2009 an haven't felt it in a long time. Then 2012 happened. I have lost almost all my "friends", love even life.
There would be days I wished I didn't even wake up. But that always changed. People need to hang on to hope. An if you forgot what hope was here...
- it's when you wake up Christmas morning dying to see what Santa brought.
- it's the snow fights that unexpected but makes life better.
- it's the excitement of getting something new.
- it the happiness you see in others that was cause by you.
- it's you.
Hope begins with everyone. So when the new year comes an you make an list of goals an resolutions. Just have hope in your heart.
It gets a little better. 😃
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Light.
I know. But that's not the point. Lately I haven't been me. Like I been so withdrawn. From the world. I use to love to go to manhattan for nothing or go with one my best friends an act fool on the train or in the city. Now I don't even wanna be bother by anyone. I just wanna be left alone. An I'm not going to lie its be little...
That's what I would have wrote... They seem to never understand. They offer so much understanding that you think yeah they know. But then that split second of doubt takes over. Your right back where you started. Thinking..
Then and now?! So much has changed. Maybe for the better or some for the worst. I think I dealt with worst. They say "it get better in time" or "time heal all wounds". But what happens when time runs out?! Then there those regrets an what ifs that drive you insane. But if you think back when the worst was happening. Would you see yourself as the person you are?! Or the one you wanna become?! But who says its certain. Or if even sure.
I know who I use to be. An I miss that use to be so much, that I'm truly scared of the future. The present doesn't seem to offer so much an I don't speak of my problems but the worlds.
So as I wrote before. I'm not me. I haven't been in a long time. But they are right.. It does get better.. An time heals all wounds. But I do agree.
Sometimes "I'm not going to lie...," it's an little...
Lonely.
That's what I would have wrote... They seem to never understand. They offer so much understanding that you think yeah they know. But then that split second of doubt takes over. Your right back where you started. Thinking..
Then and now?! So much has changed. Maybe for the better or some for the worst. I think I dealt with worst. They say "it get better in time" or "time heal all wounds". But what happens when time runs out?! Then there those regrets an what ifs that drive you insane. But if you think back when the worst was happening. Would you see yourself as the person you are?! Or the one you wanna become?! But who says its certain. Or if even sure.
I know who I use to be. An I miss that use to be so much, that I'm truly scared of the future. The present doesn't seem to offer so much an I don't speak of my problems but the worlds.
So as I wrote before. I'm not me. I haven't been in a long time. But they are right.. It does get better.. An time heals all wounds. But I do agree.
Sometimes "I'm not going to lie...," it's an little...
Lonely.
Dear True Love,
Lately you have be in your shell. I should know since I do the same. I
started thinking when we was young. I was always the one to pull you
out. An it seems as we gotten older. I forgot how it feels. Recently
some little things from conversation we had reminded me of the use to be. An I
been thinking bout it. Wondering what it is?! Lol
Well... You told me to write an blog an I told you my life isn't interesting... An you said to me which I never forget.. "You the most interesting person I know". I forgot how it felt to write. Even if its just to say nothing. Remember our letters. I do, I even still read them sometimes. I remember the first time I realized I missed you so much. An you wasn't there so ill tell you. I was sitting in my room once again alone.. Lol. An we haven't spoke because of something I don't even remember. You went to jail at this time. An Ill never forget the time you call to tell me.. Previously we had an big argument. An you called me to talk. An first thing you said to me is "I'm going to jail" an I said "that's your fault" an hung up. It broke my heart.
But I needed you to understand. I wasn't going stand around while you hurt yourself. But then I received my first letter from you. Saying how you was sorry an you didn't know if it would even get to me. It took an while to write back but by then you been moved to different jail. The day that letter I finally wrote came back.. I thought I lost you. I thought I would never yell at you or say I told you so. Or call you in tears whenever I needed to.
I'm writing this because to let you know. "Even the strong falls". You may have feel like your alone, an no ones understands. An no ones even cares... But I do. I love you. Don't you ever forget that. This shell that we have created is the safest place we have ever known. Right?! Wrong! My shell has nothing but brought me grief, tears, confusion, hurt and sadness. But there is so much out there.
So this I dedicate to you. Your right.. I do see the world differently. We both do. So see it. Doesn't take the paint to be an artist or an soul to be an singer. It takes yourself. There will be times like this where you wanna give up or even break down... Go ahead.. But you have to pick yourself up... Cause..
Life sucks anyway...
Xoxo
Well... You told me to write an blog an I told you my life isn't interesting... An you said to me which I never forget.. "You the most interesting person I know". I forgot how it felt to write. Even if its just to say nothing. Remember our letters. I do, I even still read them sometimes. I remember the first time I realized I missed you so much. An you wasn't there so ill tell you. I was sitting in my room once again alone.. Lol. An we haven't spoke because of something I don't even remember. You went to jail at this time. An Ill never forget the time you call to tell me.. Previously we had an big argument. An you called me to talk. An first thing you said to me is "I'm going to jail" an I said "that's your fault" an hung up. It broke my heart.
But I needed you to understand. I wasn't going stand around while you hurt yourself. But then I received my first letter from you. Saying how you was sorry an you didn't know if it would even get to me. It took an while to write back but by then you been moved to different jail. The day that letter I finally wrote came back.. I thought I lost you. I thought I would never yell at you or say I told you so. Or call you in tears whenever I needed to.
I'm writing this because to let you know. "Even the strong falls". You may have feel like your alone, an no ones understands. An no ones even cares... But I do. I love you. Don't you ever forget that. This shell that we have created is the safest place we have ever known. Right?! Wrong! My shell has nothing but brought me grief, tears, confusion, hurt and sadness. But there is so much out there.
So this I dedicate to you. Your right.. I do see the world differently. We both do. So see it. Doesn't take the paint to be an artist or an soul to be an singer. It takes yourself. There will be times like this where you wanna give up or even break down... Go ahead.. But you have to pick yourself up... Cause..
Life sucks anyway...
Xoxo
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